For the third time in a month, someone unmatched me after we hooked up. I mean I get it, whatever, sometimes it's better that way. But this last one stung, for a bunch of reasons I won't get into. Plus I listened to him go on and on about a trip to Joshua Tree he took and a healer chick he met while he was there, being like "that sounds amazing". Sick of it. Ordered an Audible Fart in an Important Meeting, cast by Henrietta because I knew he was headed to Sand Hill Road to pitch some kind of ice cream cone that he said was going to disrupt the ice cream business. Come the f on with that bullshit. Anyway, heard through a somewhat mutual friend it did not go well. Tra la! :)

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- Maddy S. Palo Alto, CA

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Generally assume hexes are not a thing at all. And I don't believe in witches or religion in general. But you know, desperate times and all that. Ex wife took my cat, Minty. I have plans to get him back but they are shady so I can't write them here. But I really really miss my cat. He's all I've got. I considered a bedbug infestation because ex is a neat freak and it would drive her nuts. But Minty is there and I don't want some kind of toxic spray around my cat. So I ordered a custom hex. Ex is working on a thesis about some Shakespeare play. Something wicked this way comes bitch!​

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- Randy C. Durham, NC

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I work with a bully. We'll call him Justin, because that's his name. His bullying comes in the form of weird comments about what I'm wearing. I'm stylish, but I guess he's used to ladies in Ann Taylor and the Gap. My dad says he's complimenting me or he has a crush on me. But no, that's a stupid reason if it even is one. My mom's favorite movie is 9 to 5 and I'm not kidding she makes us watch it every Christmas eve. That boss? The one that chases Dolly (the Queen!) around a desk? This guy, Justin, looks exactly like that. Who looks like that anymore? Shave your weird mustache! Anyway, a couple weeks ago I was wearing this incredible Vivienne Westwood skirt I scored at the Goodwill. Plaid, asymmetric, sublime. And he sees me in the breakroom and goes "We going bagpiping later?" And then laughs for about eight seconds. I stood at the Keurig, my back to him, incandescent with rage and said nothing. The next day I ordered Sends Dick Pic to Mom Accidentally because he's for sure the dick pic type. And this past Monday, I was heading to my car and there he was standing outside, slumped against the side of the building, face like a smacked ass, spooked as hell, looking like he was going to vomit on his shoes. He was vaping like a lunatic, puff puff puff. "What's wrong Justin?" I asked. "You look like you just sent a dick pic to your mom." Oh, the look on his face. 

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- Suki K. Portland, OR.

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My ex is an influencer. Her thing is hair. I sent her an Unfortunate Visit to the Salon because she's been saying she's going to be doing this new thing called Curlights. I noticed she hasn't posted anything lately. 

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Amanda H. Boulder, CO

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Someone backed into my car in the Best Buy parking lot and left a note with a fake number. I don't even know the name of the person to hex, so it was frustrating. But I read about Timbo on the Hex Administrator page and something about his story resonated with me. I sort of felt like Timbo had the power to send the hex to the right place. The truth is I don't know if the hex made it to its destination, but I do believe in karma and I believe someone has to deliver it so it might as well be Timbo. I ordered a Dealer's Choice, because I don't even know them so it's hard to know what would really ruin their day. I felt like Timbo might have a sense. I know it sounds weird to get an unknown hex for an unknown person, but the car was brand new and they really crunched it good. One time my cat got ahold of a tiny mouse and killed it in front of me while I was trying really hard to save it. My favorite uncle had died two days before and the mouse thing tipped me over the edge. I cried for hours. My uncle used to wear a tweed hat, sort of like a cross between a beret and a flat cap. I found an acorn cap and put it on the mouse so he had some style, and then I buried him. Sometimes you have to do weird things for closure.​

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Nadia O. Morris Plains, NJ

 

I just found out my sister's husband has a second family thirty miles away. I was at a high school lacrosse game for my niece and I was sitting next to a woman who was scrolling through her vacation photos. I glanced over and there on her phone screen was my brother in law grinning on a beach with a lei around his neck. In the photo this woman was leaning into him, a toddler on her hip. I was so confused. I sat there on those freezing metal bleachers, my heart racing, thinking what is going on? The next morning I hired a PI and spent about 5K and three weeks getting proof to show my sister. Turned out this woman and my sister have daughters the same age, and they were playing on opposing teams. I mean WHAT. The balls on this guy. Obviously my sister is in therapy and her husband been kicked out etc. etc. I always thought he was punching above his weight. But I felt like I had to do something. Hexes for Exes rejected my first custom hex because I wanted his brakes to fail (he does rally racing on weekends) and I guess they don't do murder hexes which is fair and I definitely don't want to hurt any innocents. I thought about an IRS audit because his business dealings have always been suspect, but my sister is still legally married to him (I guess?! Can you be legally married to a guy who is married to two people?) so that would be a pain for her too. It's hard because there are other people involved. Two families with kids on each side. I ordered a custom hex that involves some concert memorabilia he's been collecting for decades. It was all I could think of. My sister's doing okay. I still want to kill the guy, bury him, dig him up and kill him again. But like I said, there are other people involved. 

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Julian W. Philadelphia, PA

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